The Dishwasher is Dead! Long Live the Dishwasher!

The Dishwasher is dead! Let the bells toll throughout the land!

Diana Beebe's Blog, Diana Beebe, science fiction, middle grade fantasy, fantasy
The old king dishwasher is dead!

Totally kidding! Send up fireworks! Toss confetti! The lousy excuse for a dishwasher is out of my house!

It was a horrible dishwasher and it deserved to be kicked to the curb. The fuse thing wasn’t the only issue. The deathmatch wasn’t any fun. But it wouldn’t clean food off the dishes at all. What’s the point of having a dishwasher if you have to hand wash everything before running the appliance?

No, we didn’t take it into the yard and shoot it (even though that did cross our minds many times). Instead, we stripped it of all possible useful parts. It was a revolution, of sorts. Only not as bloody.

Without springs and other important parts, the door to my drying rack was heavy. And falls open. Fast. Did I mention that it was heavy? My toes found that out the hard way.

I was soooo ready to find a new ruling appliance and crown it with jewels.

Diana Beebe's Blog, Diana Beebe, science fiction, middle grade fantasy, fantasy
Photo courtesy of Darcy Flynn Copyright Darcy Flynn

After reading the dishwasher reviews everywhere and asking friends and sifting through the ridiculous amount of propaganda marketing information that each brand touted about their dishwashers, we finally decided on a Whirlpool Gold. (One of my friends has one and really likes it–bonus points for the friend referral.)

Also, it cleans the best–so they say. And this website seems to rate most dishwashers. We kinda like the way it works. Because it’s visual and dynamic, I didn’t have to spend hours reading through reviews and testing results.

At the big box store (I know…don’t judge) when we ordered it, we told the saleswoman about our terrible experience with the dead Samsung drying rack dishwasher. A young couple was looking at the same one. They wanted it to match their refrigerator.

No amount of matchiness is worth that kind of trouble. We gave them an earful about our woes all because we wanted matchiness in our kitchen once upon a time. They asked us. We shared.

The husband looked really disappointed. The wife looked grateful. Turns out, he wanted it to match. Dude, you want matchiness, you can wash every load before you run the &@$!# thing. Hey, it’ll look good though. The evil queen in Snow White thought she looked good–she was a terrible monarch and had to go, too.

Hey, Samsung, I love my phone, but you should stay out of the kitchen. A vacuum doesn’t have that much suction….

The most annoying thing about buying an appliance? Having to wait two more weeks before it arrives. I don’t need to tell you again how much I dreaded another sink full of dirty dishes.

Diana Beebe's Blog, Diana Beebe, science fiction, middle grade fantasy, fantasy
Photo courtesy of Darcy Flynn Copyright Darcy Flynn

However, I wasn’t desperate enough to buy one of the in-stock dishwashers. None of them had good cleaning ratings. Why torture myself with a common appliance?

(Can you tell I’m having fun with the whole royalty theme? But in the whole game of thrones in the kitchen, the refrigerator wins. Gotta keep the food fresh.)

If I’m going to crown a new appliance, it better clean the dishes for me. Or else. The aftermath may not be as bloody as the French Revolution around here, but it won’t be pretty.

Diana Beebe's Blog, Diana Beebe, science fiction, middle grade fantasy, fantasy
by Tomomarusan from Wikimedia Commons

The new dishwasher had its coronation installation this afternoon. There was fanfare. But no video of the death march of the old one to the truck that will take it to its final resting place. The actual execution off the overthrown appliance took place weeks ago–stripped of any usable parts as soon as the repair guy agreed with our decision not to fix it.

Today, there was not a dirge or boat flaming on the water to send it off. Just a perfectionist Bulgarian installer who gave me his deepest sympathies for having had a Samsung dishwasher in my home (true story!). (Also, he turned the old one on the dolly until I got the picture that I wanted.)

I should have rolled out the red carpet for the new monarch dishwasher. And played trumpets. And handed out paper crowns.

The Dishwasher is dead! Long live the Dishwasher!

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