For the last several months, I’ve been feeling like a real person again. I’m Diana, mom to two amazing daughters, and writer. I don’t have to define myself by whatever status of life I’ve found myself situated in. I don’t like the other W word. It makes me feel old.
I’m not old. I have a few decades still to experience and many stories to write.
A couple of months ago, I was talking with my dear friend who joined the club that no one wants to join before I did. She was considering going out into the world of dating. Her father-in-law had told her not long after her husband passed that she should date as soon as she was ready. He expected it. She was too young not to. But she was nervous, understandably so.
“What if it leads to more? What if I want to remarry someday?” she said.
“Get a prenup,” I said. The words tumbled from my mouth as if they were a natural thing to say. “If you remarry someday, get a prenuptial agreement. Protect the things that should go to your kids, because you and your dear husband worked hard for over 20 years to be where you are.”
Wow. These were words Steve said to me before he passed.
I hadn’t thought about that conversation in many months. It was a talk we had that had ticked me off. He was my husband, my best friend, my soulmate, and he was telling me to get a prenup! What nerve! He’d said that it was the practical and right thing to do, whether I wanted to hear it or not.
After talking with my friend, I realized why Steve said it. Of course, I’d protect the things we’d worked hard for to be sure our daughters have all they need. But it was also a release of sorts.
He’d already told me to be strong. He’d already told me to continue writing and following my dreams—something he was so proud of me for doing. He was telling me to live life, to continue on, to love.
My friend was quiet on the phone for a minute. “That makes perfect sense.” She hadn’t had the chance to have that kind of heartbreaking conversation with her husband, but she could imagine him saying it to her now.
For me, talking with my friend was like discovering a newness of life. Life continues.
Why am I just now writing about this? Because I woke up Sunday morning with the inspiration to talk about it, finally.
I can’t predict if I’ll ever need to have a prenup. When the right guy comes along and in the right circumstances, I’d consider going out with him. It would have to be on a one-day-at-a-time basis and with the understanding that my kids are always first and that I am who I am because of the last 24 years.
Life is a continuation of things and the constancy of the love for Steve that will never go away. My life has been beautiful so far, and I have a lot to share with the world.
Love and Life are bigger than my little place in the universe and are full of unpredictable surprises.
For now, I’ll just see where the newness of Life leads me.
Another reason I posted this today is to participate in the Beauty of a Woman (BOAW) blog festival, something August McLaughlin started five years ago.
I hope my post will help other women who’ve been widowed too soon (it’s always too soon!) realize that it’s normal and natural to continue living, to find companionship however it suits their needs, and to know it’s perfectly all right to set expectations that both comfort and protect any new relationships.
Visit August’s BOAW blog post (link is in the paragraph above) for a list of other blogs that are celebrating feminine beauty.