On Being Strong

Diana Beebe, Mermaids Don't Do Windows, MDDW, Diana Beebe's Blog, science fiction, fantasy, young adultThere’s no good way to tell your child that her daddy passed away. That heart-wrenching moment undid me more than any other moment, ever.

More than his realization and mine that he wasn’t coming home. More than calling his dad to be with us in those last moments. More than remembering when we met and knew, just knew, we would marry and grow old together. More than thinking 23 years of marriage wasn’t long enough. More than all the phone calls I had to make. More than writing this.

That moment when Armadillo said the words I already felt deep inside my soul. “It’s not right.”

Of all the conversations I had in the days immediately following my husband’s passing, that one with her still undoes me, even now.

But LOVE is all around us. He hasn’t left us. His faith in our girls, in me, in Eternal Life has continued to uplift and comfort me.

The overwhelming outpouring of love from family and friends and coworkers makes it nearly impossible for me to thank everyone efficiently or sufficiently. My gratitude is endless and beyond adequate expression for the prayers, kind words, meals, house maintenance, notes, cards, visits, hugs, scrapbook of remembrances, simple conversations, distracting jokes, quiet company, and so many other things.

“Be strong,” he said. Those two peaceful words hold all the things we’d planned as a family of four.

I made him a promise. We intend to keep it as a family of three.

There’s no good way to tell anyone that a loved one, a dear friend, a parent has passed away.

Life does continue. Find a new normal. Be strong.

38 comments on… “On Being Strong”

  1. Dear Diana, what a beautifully written post. Your strength and receptivity are an inspiration, for you clearly are being strong. Thank you. I can’t even imagine and yet your account is so clear. What a blessing you are to your family and the world! Much love to you and your family.

  2. I just don’t even know what to say, Diana. I haven’t since the moment I first heard and I don’t now. I will keep you and your kids in my prayers though. <3

  3. Michelle Allred

    Love you, Di. Words fail us at times like this. There are so many things I want to say, but they all sound hollow and trite before I even get them said. So I will just tell you I promise to work harder at getting us together more often!

    • Diana Beebe

      You don’t have to say anything at all. We can just hang out. I look forward to seeing you more often! Love you, Michelle.

  4. Richard Beebe

    Thank you Diana. This is beautiful, being with you and our beloved son at this time was unbelievably important to me. We will always be here for you and the girls.
    Love you.

    • Diana Beebe

      You have no idea how much strength you gave me–and still do. I love you, too.

  5. Kristie Beebe Zubko

    Thanks for this. I hadn’t been feeling very strong lately. He is most definitely with you. I can hear his voice speaking through you. Love you and the girls,

  6. This is beautiful . YOU are beautiful. You will be strong most days, and that will suffice. Love you.
    Keep writing!

    • Diana Beebe

      Thank you! I’m so grateful for this clan that I married into–you have always made me feel right at home. Love you.

  7. Janell Dowell

    Your thoughts and feelings turned into words had to be hard to do. I have thought of you so many times in the past 5 months and wanted to stop by but my own memories kept me away. For weeks after hearing the news as I walked Emmitt by your house my heart was heavy and so sad knowing exactly what you must be going through. It’s been 3 years since David has been gone and time has dulled the pain of my loss and I hope it will do the same for you. I’m glad you are staying busy and you have a wonderful circle of support to give you strength and encouragement when needed. Please come by or stop and visit when you see Emmitt and I walking by. His blessings and comfort to you and the girls.

    • Diana Beebe

      I think of you often, Janell. I’d love to visit with you–I’ll look for you and Emmitt.

  8. A friend said to me once, “Death Sucks. Love Heals.” She was right. We cried and hugged and the world seemed a little brighter.

    Big hugs.

  9. Patti Alexander

    I can’t even imagine that conversation. I struggled just telling g. I think of you all often and pray for comfort and peace. Thanks for sharing from your heart. I know he is with you all and proud of your strength. Big hugs!

  10. We don’t always get to choose our path, but we can choose how we walk it. And your walk is an inspiration to me. How is Armadillo doing? I think of you ALL often with great affection. Love you.

    • Diana Beebe

      Thank you, Debra! Armadillo is doing really well. I’m grateful for her resiliency. Love you.

  11. I’m so sorry for your loss. My mom passed away last month and I know how hard it is. My prayers are with you and your family.

    • Diana Beebe

      Sue, I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. Sending you hugs and prayers.

  12. This is beautiful, Diana, and my heart goes out to you and your family. I think of you often. Your strength is amazing. You are a shining star.

    • Diana Beebe

      Thank you, Lynn. It helps to have so much support from family and friends like you.

  13. Dearest Diana,
    You amaze me. I am so thankful that we had our recent time together….I knew I needed to get on that plane for us both. You have such tremendous love surrounding you; you radiate it. 🙂 I miss you and please know I am here for you always. Prayers continue, and sending much love! xoxo

    • Diana Beebe

      Rebekah, you are the amazing one! I have managed to surround myself with lovely, beautiful, incredible people, and I’m grateful for every one of them. I’m so glad you were able to travel to visit. I’ve missed you, too–we must make more time for messages and calls until the next visit. Love, love, love you!!

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