Welcome to the first ever Roommate Chronicles! It’s something new here at Mermaids Don’t Do Windows.
If you’ve ever lived in a dorm room or in an apartment with roommates, then you have stories to tell, too. Believe it or not, the movie Animal House was based on true-ish events.
While my dorm life was never as crazy as that depicted in the movie, there were some, um, interesting college adventures. Some of the stories are based loosely on true (maybe) events that happened to my friends, neighbors, and me as university students. You decide which bits are true.
I’ll never tell.
Well, I’ll probably never tell. If you know the story, don’t spoil it by posting the real names in the comments. 😉 All names have been changed or removed to protect the innocent and the guilty.
This is a good reminder not to tick off or annoy a writer.
After standing on my feet for three hours in a dark room developing photographs, my hair and clothes smelled of film chemicals (I think that’s where my ability to smell died). All I wanted to do was take off my shoes and crash on my bed.
I unlocked my dorm room and stepped inside. Rabbit pellets covered the floor. Poop pellets, not food pellets (in case you were wondering).
The black fluffy demon twitched its nose and stared at me. I closed the door quickly, so it couldn’t escape down the hall. I didn’t want to chase it down.
Then again, if it were to get away from me…
My roommate would be mad. Wait, why was I worried about letting her illegal pet escape, when she’d left it out of its cage to crap all over the floor? I mean, ALL over the floor. The room smelled horrible. (Some serious disinfecting was in order.)
Rather than opening the door and letting it loose to wander the hall, I chased the black beast around the room and locked it in its cage. Then I saw my bed, that place on which I wanted to crash and rest my weary muscles. The lower bunk was polka-dotted with poop pellets and stained with two huge yellow circles. Horrified and disgusted, I stripped off the bedding and went to the laundry room.
When I got back, my roommate couldn’t believe I’d put the precious critter back in its cage. She shrugged off the demon rabbit poop all over the floor AND all over my bed. She didn’t even apologize with a straight face.
My roommate must not have been human. No self-respecting human would behave that way.
That’s what it boiled down to: self respect and the respect of others.
I may have made threats. Words were definitely exchanged. Soon, the potential stew ingredient was removed from our dorm room before anyone with authority told her to find it a new home. I celebrated quietly, but this wasn’t the first thing to put a strain on our friendship.
Maybe someday I’ll tell you about the time she stole my car or “borrowed” my underwear. *shivers*
Morals to the story?
- Don’t let “friends” make you feel guilty when they break the rules.
- Don’t put up with destructive behavior to save a friendship that isn’t worth saving.
- Make rabbit stew.
You can also read about my encounter with a demon squirrel on campus.
Your turn. Is this story true or false? Did I make rabbit stew? Did you ever have a roommate who couldn’t possibly have been human (because she or he wasn’t humane)? What stories do you have to tell?